The husband always wins when we play rummy. I try to beat him, but I can't. I can shuffle the cards, though, and do that fancy bridge move, so that's what I do.
I can't hold my breath under water. I always have to plug my nose. If I don't, it isn't pretty.
I've always loved curly hair, but I have no idea how to use a curling iron. No matter what I do, I always end up with a curl and then a crimp on the end. I stick with the straightener.
When I grow up, I'd like to be one of those football mommas who can whistle really loud with two fingers in her mouth. But I've tried; I just don't know how to do it. I guess I'll have to get a bullhorn or something.
What else can't I do?
I can't make blondies.
My blondies: hard on the outside and raw on the inside.
So don't sign me up to make chewies for the bake sale. I can make cookies.
We had a tailgate party at work last week. Where was I the night before the big hoorah? Making a huge mess in the kitchen, mumbling under my breath at the smoking oven and wondering how in the world I could run out of sugar AND all-purpose flour.
My blondies were a complete failure. They looked great when they came out of the oven: a beautiful toasted-brown pan of blondies, with a crisp top that I imagined would crunch oh so slightly before you got to the chewy buttery inside.
They looked good, right?
As you can see, though, they were raw, raw, raw on the inside. And not that almost-raw-on-the-inside taste that makes a good cookie. These were just plain raw.
I threw them all in the trash and reached for the peanut butter. I needed a tablespoon to ease my frustrations. And then it hit me: I can make peanut butter cookies. That's something I can do.
Peanut Butter Cookies
From What Can I Bring? Cookbook, Anne Byrn
1 stick unsalted butter
1/2 cup natural peanut butter
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
Beat the butter, peanut butter and sugars in a mixer for one minute on medium, scrape the sides, and mix for another minute. You want the ingredients to mix completely and become lighter in color.
Add in the egg and vanilla and mix for about another 30 seconds.
Sift together the flour, soda and salt in a medium/large bowl. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the peanut butter mixture in the mixer, mixing on a low speed until all incorporated. (Be sure to scrape the bowl as necessary so as not to have any flour hanging out on the sides or on the bottom of the bowl.)
Cover the dough and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. You want the dough to be firm and manageable.
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
Use a small cookie scoop to place the dough on ungreased cookie sheets.
Bake until the cookies begin to brown: 7-9 minutes for softer cookies, 8-12 minutes for firmer cookies.
Let the cookies cool on the pans for a minute or two and then remove to wire racks to cool completely.
According to the cookbook, these can keep covered for a week. Good luck with that. I've never lived in a house in which peanut butter cookies could survive an entire week. After about two days, they're usually a distant memory!